Fan(ning) the Flames
Dear Facebook friends:
I know I write to you a lot, but there is so much on my mind I need to say to you. Recently there has been the fad of groups with names like “We bet this [Common Food Item] can get more fans than [Pop star who shows too much leg]!” I thought the first one was clever, but after I received many numerous requests to join others with increasingly strange food items and increasingly slutty celebrities I started to wonder about your sanity. But then I realized I was right all along, you’re all completely fucking nuts! How long before we see groups like “We bet this Ham and Cheese Hoagie can get more fans than Abraham Lincoln on Crack!” or “We bet this bowl of Cream of Wheat can get more fans before this Kosher Dill Pickle gets more fans than the movie Roadhouse!” Where will it end?! Pretty soon we will be seeing groups pitting beef stew against Nelson Mandela dressed as a ninja! The insanity! So please, Facebook friends, for the love of all that is holy, if you want to make fun of Justin Beiber do it the old fashioned way, by calling him a girly boy to his face and running away giggling.
Love, Matt
P.S. Abraham Lincoln on crack would win of course because he would emancipate the cheese and turn the bread in to an edible crack pipe. It’s true, don’t question me.
