Buddy Holly glasses, plaid, and enough Stella Artois to drown Sicily
Dear Hipsters,
I see a lot of you around the Detroit area, I am not just talking about the middle class teenagers who wear skinny jeans because it totes makes them look A-MAZ-ING. I am talking about those of you who are the artisan tea drinking, vegan-friendly organic and pesticide free cocaine snorting types who listen to Pete Yorn like he’s going out of style. I am on to you! You come into our bars with your skinny jeans and plaid blazers, and you drink beer that has no right costing 13 bucks, and then to top it all off you request that the DJ’s play Of Montreal and then don’t dance! GAH, the nerve!
Now, you might question my motivation since I frequent gay bars, being a big old ‘mo and all. But you are invading gay bars! I can’t fathom why. Maybe it is because gay bars aren’t subservient to that bourgeois heteronomative paradigm and you feel like you are damning the Man just by paying cover! Whatever the reason, I don’t like straight people who look gayer than I do invading the bar where I am scoping out my next ex-boyfriend. Couldn’t you go to a bar where they chill the Blue Moon with the icy grip of irony, or they polish their coke mirrors with disdain for mainstream establishment? I mean, they might actually want you there. But before you go, can you give me the number to your hair stylist, because that’d be totes A-MAZ-ING.
Love, Matt
