Urban Pictionary
Dear Facebook friends,
What’s up with all status updates with definitions of your names from Urban Dictionary? Do we really need another way to have someone else define us? I mean we already have two perfectly good ways of shirking the responsibility of defining ourselves and placing it in the hands of arbitrary criteria: Zodiac signs and place mats at Chinese restaurants. I am satisfied by being born in the year of the Rat (but I am of two minds about being a Gemini) so I don’t see the need to add complexity to my defining characteristics as determined by the month and year of my birth.
But I feel the need to participate in my own way: by making up a completely arbitrary (yet assuredly self-gratifying) definition of my name:
Matt (măt) noun: A fucking awesome guy. Writer of Letters. Eater of corn muffins. Someone who knows what your cat is thinking. A person skilled with Occult Meteorology. The reincarnation of Jeff the Incisor. Wearer of black in a white room (see Illustration 1). A minor Internet comedian. A big homo.
Example: You know Matt? He’s a real matt’s matt.
Illustration 1:
So, there you have it, I have further defined myself and people on Facebook should now gain a greater understanding of who I am as a person. After all if we can’t define ourselves with self-congratulatory one liners what can we define ourselves with?!
Certainly not anything approaching the appearance of substance!
Love, Matt
