Apple giveth and Apple taketh away (your money)
Dear Apple,
Thanks for the exciting 90 minute presentation on the new iPad. I am sure your new product will be a hit with the media as well as with consumers.
With that said, fuck you.
Fuck you because I need someone to blame for my consumerist mindset out weighing my financial woes, and guess what, Stevie-boy, you just made yourself a big old iTarget. That’s right, I am looking right at you, Jobs. You stoked the fire of rampant consumerism in me! Decently fed children in 2nd world countries using passible Dells be damned! I covet this glass and aluminum toy even though I have so much tech it would make NORAD’s eyes bleed. No, this fire burns deep within me and the only way to quench it is by spending $499 ($527.25 with tax, muthafuckas!) on something I would only need, realistically, if I were living in a Post Modern decorated base on the Moon!
So I blame you, Steve Jobs, for the 3rd degrees consumerism burns that riddle my psyche. You are the ruiner of bank statements and credit card bills, and I hate you for it.
Love, Matt
P.S. You are looking much better, Steve; glad to see you are getting well.
P.P.S. Do you ever have dreams of your new pancreas’s original landlord? I heard that can happen. If so, are they about eating sugar?
