December 2009
5 posts
2 tags
Welcome to Our State
Dear Michigan Department of Transportation,
I always found it amusing that there was a Michigan Welcome Center in Clare, as if to say “Welcome to Michigan! If you haven’t noticed you have been in our state for the past 200 miles!”
Love, Matt
5 tags
REALLY Northern Renaissance
Dear Somerset Mall,
What does Santa Claus have to do with the Italian Renaissance? Was there some sort of great Florentine revival at the North Pole that I wasn’t aware of? Your santa theme is stupid.
Love, Matt
5 tags
Man-Bling
Dear Department Stores,
If you are going to sell cuff links make sure you also carry shirts with French cuffs, otherwise you are just selling people man-bling that they aren’t able to wear with anything. Not that there is anything wrong with shiny metal cufflinks, I just would like to be able to do more with them than jingle them around in my pocket while I wait for the waitress to bring me my...
4 tags
Plagued by FarmVille
Dear Facebook Friends that invite me to FarmVille,
I am deadly serious when I click ignore to these requests, if you do it again I swear i will log on to your FarmVille account, burn the crops to the ground, and salt the earth. It will be very Old Testament of me.
Love, Matt
4 tags
Snow Blows
Dear Facebook friends,
It snowed, deal with it. I mean no use whining about it on Facebook, it’s not like water vapor condensed out of the air, froze into tiny crystals, fell to the ground, and then accumula– oh, wait.
Shit.
Love, Matt.